I’m a horrible writer lately. I haven’t done a thing with words. Have you noticed? I have. And it’s driving me crazy.
Even at my job, where I am a content writer, no coherent sentences have been penned by yours truly. Although, to be fair to myself, that one’s not really my fault. For the last 8 months, someone has decided my talents would be put to best use organizing travel data and filling out Excel sheets with algorithms. I’m working on remedying this situation, but two whispering voices—that refuse to quiet themselves—keep me from committing 100 percent. “RentRentRent” one says, “HealthInsuranceInsuranceInsurance” the other echoes back.
I don’t know if it’s as simple as saying inspiration hasn’t been coming too easily lately. Or if I’ve just been pushing it away when it does come, losing my will to justify it necessitating an entire blog post.
How can I write about love and happiness when divorce exists?
How can I write about health and my “struggles” and “frustrations” with diabetes when cancer exists?
How can I even complain about my less than stimulating job and laughable salary when real poverty exists?
So I don’t write about these things. I barely allow myself to feel apprehension about any of the above. Because what happens when I do? I get moody and stressed out and then come home to a girlfriend who is even more stressed out with trying to finish her PhD as the clock counts down. And when neither of us is selfish enough to talk about our inner struggles of the day (week, month, year), we share stories of friends or family who are feeling equally as “off.”
I’ve been told that Mercury is in Retrograde (whatever that means) and that all of this uneasiness of the world can be blamed on that. According to almanac.com, however, that ends today. TODAY! So I guess tomorrow I’ll be fine? As will you?
So here I sit. Cross-legged in my office chair. Losing myself down the rabbit hole of Pinterest wedding and baby boards, neither of which is in my near future. Allowing myself to be that girl. Waiting for June 11 to end and Mercury Retrograde to F off.